Ohana
by Kage kioku aji tenshi
Summary: Danny can't say goodbye.


'They don't know.' He reminded himself as he sat down next to the others, 'They don't know, we never got around to telling them, we wanted to bask in each other longer, our little secret, avoiding the teasing that we knew was going to come.'

Danny pulled Grace closer to himself and pet her hair absently as she cried, he didn't look at her, couldn't, not when he was trying so hard to be strong for them. They all knew it too, that he wasn't going to let himself break down infront of them.

He'd thought there would be more time, he was foolish to think that given how the other lived his life.

He whole time with Steve had been on borrowed time, it should have been him. It should be him in that casket, getting ready to be lowered down into a dark hole for the rest of time.

The priest was speaking but Danny couldn't understand what he was saying as his last morning with Steve came to his mind.

Really, it hadn't been all that different from any other day except that they'd played him off as too drunk to drive home and Steve had offered his couch with a secret smile.

Danny had woken up to Steve tracing his face to wake him, whispering that he was making sure he wasn't dreaming. Danny had smiled widely and called his SEAL a goof and kissed him to make him grin back at him.

They had spent a lazy morning in bed before getting up to make breakfast where Steve had convinced Danny to dance with him while the bacon fried like the romantic sap he was.

They'd still been holding onto each other when Chin had called in a case and they had made bacon, lettice, and tomato sandwiches for breakfast to eat on the way to work.

Danny pressed a kiss to Grace's hair as he took a shaky breath and blinked back his tears.

The priest was finished speaking and Chin was walking to the stand to deliver the eulogy and nobody had expected Danny to write or say one.

Danny wasn't sure if it was because he had been released from the hospital just for the funeral, expected back when it was over, or if they knew he wouldn't be able to make it through saying anything about Steve without completely falling apart, not needing to put anything on paper for the man they were supposed to be saying goodbye to.

Danny knew he'd never be able to say goodbye to Steve, not truly.

When Danny had finally gotten enough courage to ask Steve out on a date the goof had smiled at him and said, 'Sure, Danno, I'm with you til death do us part.' and kissed him.

Danny had called him rediculous and told him they weren't getting married.

Steve had replied with, 'Not yet.'

And Danny had jokingly said they never would.

He wished he'd been wrong.

"Danno?" Grace's voice drew him back to reality, "Every one is putting a flower on the casket."

Danny looked at his beautiful and brave daughter, she had forgone her usual mascara, knowing that the tears she was going to cry would ruin it and that Steve ofter told her that she didn't need any makeup, she looked so grown up offering him her hand to walk to Steve's casket.

Danny looked from her to the line of people, he wasn't sure he could walk up there and say goodbye to Steve infront of everyone.

"Danno?" Grace called again, looking at him in concern.

Danny nodded, he hadn't said a word since he had been given the news. He pushed himslef up to stand, arm going across his chest as his broken ribs protested his movement.

Grace reached out to steady him but Danny shook his head and swallowed as they took a place at the end of the line.

Grace took the white rose and placed it with the rest on the closed part of the casket and let her hand drag as she looked down at her Uncle Steve.

He looked almost peacful and she felt her tears begin again and she turned to bury her face in Aunt Kono's shoulder as the older woman warpped her arms around her shoulders and held her tight even as her gaze never left Danny.

Danny took the last wite rose and he looked at it and then all of the others, passing the rather lage amount of white roses he stopped and looked down at Steve's face.

Carefully, Danny pressed a small kiss to the rose he held and then he reached into the casket and took Steve's hands gently and lifted them to place the rose under Steve's hands, without realizing what he was doing Danny leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to Steve's lips, his fingers caressing Steve's hand.

"I love you, Steven McGarrett." Danny whispered, nearly inaudiably, but they all heard it in the silence that had fallen when Danny had passed the other roses.

"Danno?" Grace reached out to her father and he let her take his hand and lead him back to his seat.

The rest of the funeral passed in a blur for Danny and he let Chin walk him to the car that would take him back to the hospital.

Danny looked back at the place where Steve would stay now and he found himself inexplicably angry that the sun was shining and that there wasn't a single cloud in the too blue sky.

Danny kept his eyes on the sight until the car turned a corner and he lost sight of Steve. Danny didn't even realize he had tears streaming down his face and when he finally lost his view of Steve's final resting place, harsh, body wracking sobs filling the silence of the car as Chin drove Danny back to the hospital ignoring that sobs that filled the car.

At one point Chin had to pull over to wipe his own eyes and Danny didn't seem to notice as he rocked himself back and forth, hands rubbing up and down his arms in an attempt to comfort himself.

Chin took a few deep breaths and calmed himself and then he continued towards the hospital.

Chin wasn't sure what had been going with Danny and Steve and he didn't know if Danny was going to be okay after this but they would be there for him because that's what family was for and thanks to Steve that's what they were.

They were 5-0, ohana, no matter what.


End file.
